Willingness to Change

Change is hard. Period.

No one will deny that. 

Also listening can be hard. Period. (That's a lot of periods. Why so many Kim? My shoes feel tight today...) We are so full of our own thoughts and ideas that it's sometimes hard to separate out the static.

Improv geniuses TJ and Dave (TJ Jagodowski and Dave Pasquesi) said (one or both of them at any rate): "Listening is the willingness to change". I think that's rather profound.

Listening is the willingness to change. Hm. So. In order to truly listen, we must be willing to change. To be changed. Dang it. That's hard. We don't necessarily want to be changed. We are often comfortable where we are. I don't know about you, but sometimes to me, change seems unnecessary and like an awful lot of work. Right? Can't I just listen and stay exactly where I am, in my comfortable-I know-things-and don't-want-to-think-place?

But think about the last really great conversation you had. We are changed. We are different after time and conversation with a good friend. And even in the brief interactions of our day, if we truly listen we are changed.

This plays out on stage quite dynamically with good improvisors. Actor A says something. Actor B can ignore, sort of accept it or listen deeply and actually let it be a gift -- a mind-blowing, life-changing gift. If Actor B chooses the latter, the scene moves, flies, entertains. It looks scripted. It's fun. If Actor B ignores or only partially listens/accepts, that actor has to work really hard to create, to think, to salvage the scene. Would have just been easier to listen and be moved. Would actually be easier to just be changed.

In your next opportunity, see how willing you are to change--- i.e. listen. And then see what happens.

Bah, Humbug!

Its been a tough week of tech rehearsals. Difficult to be holed up in a dark theatre for 12 hours a day, 3 days in a row. I don't do well when holed up in a dark theatre for 12 hours a day, 3 days in a row. Heavy sigh. ( I can do that now that my corset is off! Hallelujah!)

The play is A Christmas Carol. It's a Christmas play---maybe you've heard of it. This ol' dodger named Scrooge gets transformed. It's kind of a sweet story. But these long days, I tell you. It makes a Scrooge out of all of us. Bah Humbug!

But what is my point? I don't know, really -- It's been a long week, as I may have mentioned.

Wait, I remember. Maybe my point is this: just how far kindness goes. A little kindness helps us all out of our tough spots, right? Whatever they may be. Kindness is underrated. It can make or break a day.

Improv teaches it as "making your scene partner look good." When we make each other look good, we look good. And feel good! Crazy! So what does "make your scene partner look good" look life in real life?

maybe it's simply...

• holding the door for someone
• saying thank you
• offering to help
• smiling

and then maybe it goes deeper...

• listening to what someone is truly saying to you
• being present in the moment with your "scene" partner
• allowing ego to dissapate for the sake of something else
• being more patient than maybe you want to be

...in other words...kindness.

Plato is attributed with the quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I love that one and try to remember it when I don't feel like being particularly kind. We all have our own hard battles--each and every day.

Kindness. Make each other look good. It goes a long way.

I'm gonna try it today...in my black hole.

Knee Signs

I need my knees. We all do. Knees are necessary to walk, move, travel -- all things I have been doing a lot of lately! Transplanting to Chicago requires knees. Well, of course, do the math, I somehow damaged my right knee a few days ago, half way into my move, making it very difficult to walk, climb stairs, move boxes...you know...basic moving stuff. Sigh.

Why? Why, oh why knee god would this happen now!??! Why!?

It made me think. Is there a reason I have a knee injury, of all possible injuries? (Especially since I own braces for ankles, elbows and wrists, but nothing for knees. Of course!)

As my mom would say...there are no accidents.

This injury has literally forced me to slow down and accept help. My sister went to get the car so I wouldn't have to walk, I hired movers, I accepted the fact that I couldn't unpack in one day! Maybe its the universe forcing me to slow down, forcing me to accept help, forcing me to just breathe through this transition. Maybe the breathing will help me land, maybe the pace will inspire peace. Sometimes the signs are obvious. And simple. We just need to listen.

Just sit, Kim. Slow down.

Oh, and ice. Don't forget to ice.

3 Days of IMPROV!

Want to apply some of the skills of improv to your life? Here's a way to spend a day! Each of these "days" can be done independently or consecutively. Choose one that inspires you and commit to it for a full day. I recommend writing it down in multiple places, sending yourself periodic reminders with your smart phone throughout the day, putting a post-it on your computer screen -- anything to help you remember this game and change your old habits.

1. spend a day saying yes
Try for one day to say YES to everything offered you. Crazy, huh? Try it. Say yes to lunch, to the phone call, to the request for help, to time with your kids, to everything that is asked or offered. Think it's possible? What could happen? Pay attention when your "no" wants to come out? "No" is always a valid option, an important one sometimes -- but is it your "go to"? Does it always need to be? IS your answer always "There isn't enough time, money, fill-in-the-blank? Is this your pattern? Is their fear or another emotion surrounding it? What might saying "yes" lead to? Make any discoveries? Don't worry tomorrow you can start saying no again. If you want...
 
2. spend a day being brave; go outside your comfort zone
On this day, do things you would not normally do: Drive a different route to work, take a walk to nowhere particular at lunch, do something that scares you a little bit, speak in front of that group, walk up to a stranger and engage in meaningful conversation, wear something different, ask for that raise, tell your spouse the truth, sign up for that class. Today is the day to be brave and take a chance. How does it feel?
 
3. spend a day listening
Today, make it a goal to TRULY listen to what people are saying around you. Be present and LISTEN. Listen not just to the words, but to the actions, to the body language, to the tone, to the mood, to the emotion, to what's not being said, to what's underneath, but yes...also to the words. Don't worry, soon enough it will be your turn to talk again, but when it's your turn to listen: pause, breathe, make eye contact with speaker and hear them fully, and then respond, and not until then. Give them space to speak their truth and be heard. How does it change your day? How does it change your conversations? How does it change YOU?

After trying a "Day" or 3...comment below with your thoughts, discoveries, questions! Happy to discuss! Play!

But remember--- remind yourself all day of your goal---or you will easily forget and revert to how you always do things!! Ok! Go!
 

Lessons From an Old Irish Man

I was walking in the park today, kind of in a hurry to get home after my brief respite in the park when I saw an older gentleman sitting on a bench. He was wearing an Irish-looking cap and a nice shirt and pants. I wondered if he was lonely. He reminded me of my grandpa, who is always looking for people to say hi to him or to visit with him for a while. So as I passed by, I paused and said hello to this man on the bench, and after his return greeting and some idle chit-chat about the weather -- sure enough -- he engaged me in deeper conversation. I was a little eager to get home, but recognized his desire for company and relented, allowing myself to be present in this moment.

"Sit down for a bit, why don't you," he offered at last. "I can tell you some stories."

So sit I did. I could tell it made him happy. It was almost as good as sitting with my grandpa.

He talked about how the neighborhood had changed, how if he wasn't smart with his money he would be destitute now since the rents have risen so much. He brought up how important going to mass has been for him and how his family is all gone now, save a son who lives upstate. He talked about the old days working in the post office and how now there's not much to do. He wishes he could be more useful. They asked him to speak at some post office event, but felt he would have nothing to say of interest. I disagreed with him, but it was irrelevant. He thought he had nothing to say, but talk and talk he did.

He asked me very little and could hear even less. (Maybe the two were connected). Most of my comments seemed unnecessary intrusions, so I mostly listened and nodded. I let go of the clock and the to-do list relentlessly forming in my head and just sat with another human being who wanted companionship. And not even for all that long! It wasn't that much to ask after all. We're always in such a hurry, especially in New York. Maybe we need to take more time for those who want a little slice of our time. Just maybe.

I listened and smiled and thought of my grandpa and hoped someone was sitting with him at this moment, spending time with him and providing some company. He also has things to say.

And then, finally, at some lull in the conversation, my day's activities weighing on me, I mentioned I should get going.

"Yes, yes, of course. Well, if you see me sittin' 'ere again, say hello. It was nice to talk to you."

I assured him I would.

Some things he told me and asked me to remember:

1. Save money.
2. Praise the Lord.
3. Keep a sense of humor.
4. Don't smoke or drink: "Look at my teeth! I still got 'em! It's because I never smoked or drank!"
5. Slow down. Life goes by quickly.

...sage advice from an old Irish man.