A little kindness...

I have been looking for a new apartment. Not an easy task, as many can attest. After seeing yet another mediocre apartment, I walked by a coffee shop and decided I needed a coffee. Needed. I stepped in and ordered a small dark roast. As I rummaged through my purse, I suddenly remembered pulling my wallet out of my purse last night to purchase something online and never putting it back. My wallet was still on my couch.

(Note how I avoided using the word lying or laying, as I get scared every time I approach it in a sentence and so completely skipped it...but back to the gripping drama.)

GAH! No money. The baristo (Male barista. I'm coining that.) had stepped away from the register. I looked at the woman behind me in line. "I left my wallet at home!" I exclaimed sadly. She raised her eyebrows and nodded a bit. The baristo (Yup. I said it again.) returned and I glumly told him I must have left my wallet at home. "Oh," he replied. "Sorry." And then he began to pour my coffee back in the urn.

Poured it back in the urn!

Now. I'm not saying that he should have given me the coffee or that I deserved a free coffee or that anyone else was responsible but me for forgetting my money and not being able to buy a coffee. And I know they are a business and make money selling things and that if they gave away all the coffee they would have to close their doors. And maybe the lady behind me only had enough money for herself or had just bought another stranger coffee and was over it or who knows what! I know all this.

But I walked out of that coffee shop disappointed, (#firstworldproblems) not only in my empty hands but in the universe. I had clearly wanted a coffee, making mention of my caffeine need to the baristo before I discovered my missing money. Also, I had ordered a small drip, not a huge mocha frapayappa -- a small drip! What's that cost? And neither the lady behind me or the coffee dude offered to pay. Were they obligated to? Of course not. Were they responsible for my having coffee or not? Of course not. Could they have? YES!

I think I would have. It's $2! And it's nice.

It made me realize our days are FULL of opportunities for kindness, small little gestures that make a difference in a person's day and even life. We have these opportunities all the time. Does it have to involve money? Certainly not. It's waiting a few extra seconds to hold the door for an approaching stranger. It's smiling and saying hello to someone on the sidewalk.  It's about leaving a larger tip to the Korean lady who gave you a pedicure because you just read an article about how little money they truly make cutting peoples toenails. And yes, perhaps it's offering to pay for someone's coffee when they forgot their wallet.

These moments of kindness are gifts, not only to the person receiving it--- but to yourself. It all comes back around.

So keep your eye out for these opportunities to be kind because, as supposedly Plato said: everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.

Now I need to go buy a cup of coffee...

inspiring teachers

So I had a teacher back in college, a theatre teacher who rather changed my life. Vivian Fusillo is her name. Amazing woman, like none other. She cast me in the first show of my freshman year --- A three-hander even! We immediately bonded.

Bright red hair with a personality to match, small-town Kansas native,  former model, Vivian was unique, to say the least. She was also often tricky to pin down for an answer, suffered from huge and  unwarranted insecurities and constantly told amazingly true stories about all the A-list English actors she worked with in the past (Think Gielgud, Olivier and Burton).

That was Vivian; Brilliant, sometimes frustrating, always inspiring Viv.

She encouraged me through casting me early. But it wasn't just that. If she hadn't believed in me, I'm not sure I would have. How great is that? And how grateful are we for great teachers --- teachers who see and believe and encourage. Teachers who see us before we do.

Vivian is a recent recipient of THE KENNEDY CENTER/STEPHEN SONDHEIM INSPIRATIONAL TEACHER AWARD. Wooh. She has received many awards over the years for her work at Winona State University, but this is a big one.

In order to receive that award, they asked the nominator for a specific story to be told about the teacher that inspired you, not multiple instances, but one. How fascinating. What's the inspirational story you would tell of your hero/mentor? Well, it got me thinking...

For me, for Vivian it was this: Her love of the pause. Yes, the pause. If there was one thing she taught me in that first time on the Winona State stage, it was to stop talking and pause. Just be quiet. Stop. So I did. Or I thought I did. Dozens of rehearsal hours that first fall together at WSU were filled with her randomly yelling from the house, "Pause!" and me responding, "I am!" and her shouting, "No, you're not!" I didn't get it. I thought I was pausing. She drove me crazy. "Just let me act, lady!"

But eventually I got it. Eventually I was able to just be quiet on stage and listen, to let something happen in the nothing. Eventually I understood how valuable it was to stop and let it all sit, to simply rest and let us all digest for a moment. Eventually I saw what she did.

This is true in life, as well as onstage. How often do you stop, pause, sit for a minute and let it all soak in? Breathe. Maybe not enough in our busy world.

Vivian taught me this skill as an actor: the power of doing nothing, really; the power of just breathing. I learned it through Vivian and still to this day, almost every time I pause heartily onstage, I think of her.

That's my story of my hero. Thank you Viv.

BIG and OVERWHELMING

I'm finishing final edits to my memoir before resubmitting to publishers and agents. What a haul. It's like birthing a baby---but takes longer than nine months, I tell ya! It's easy to lose your perspective, to lose the point of it all. Is it worth it? How do we keep our perspective? It's hard to keep a commitment to a long term creative project when there is so much daily life that gets in the way.

Can you identify? Have you ever lost or almost lost the will to finish a creative project?

For me, in order to continue, it's about breaking it down into little chunks. Palatable bites, if you will:

The idea of publishing my book is too big. Who has time for that!? But finishing the latest edits on the first part....thats sorta doable. Making a list of current agents I'm interested in? Sure, I can do that. That actually sounds like fun! But it has to be in small bite size chunks or else forget about it.

That's probably true of anything in life.  Bite size chunks so you don't choke.

I would love it if you would share your successes/tricks to keeping committed to a long term creative project in the comments below.

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale....

I've been digging around again in the land of storytelling for a new client I have with KSi. Our goal together was to create better, more authentic storytellers in their company, which will then also translate to a better communicating of the brand. Think of JetBlue, Google, Amazon, Starbucks---they are all brands with a strong story and we buy into those stories---daily! We buy into how those stories make us feel. We become part of an brand event they create for us---like a Facebook event but bigger and more subtle. Thats what a good brand story is. And I help to train better brand storytellers.

That session inspired me.

So I decided to start doing my own storytelling again. I used to tell stories in NYC, even winning a MOTH Story Slam. But I hadn't performed a story on a stage in years. But last week, I went to a storytelling event in Chicago---Story Club. I hadn't planned on telling a story. I wasn't really prepared, but there were a few spots open and they kept asking for volunteers. I kept saying "no" to myself. I wasn't ready. But then I asked myself: What was I waiting for? I wanted to tell a story and as unprepared as I was, the fact was I wanted to tell a story. So I dug around in my mental files for a story.

I had just told a story at the recent corporate training about jumping off a train in Prague, but how I used it there was more anecdotal. So how could I flesh out a full story, moments before I would tell it here? I sat at the bar, nursing my oversized beer (possible problem??) and figured it out. Then I went up to the host and asked if I could tell my story.

I ended up winning the audience vote that night---mostly because I jumped. 

We all have stories inside us. Sometimes we're not ready to tell them. Sometimes we haven't even identified them yet. But they always have value. They define us. Our stories make us who we are. And we all have one. It just depends on how willing we are to jump.

How willing are you to tell your story when the opportunity comes?

Iraqi refugee love story in Chicago

So. 

Six years ago I went to the Middle East and my life was forever changed. I fell in love with an Iraqi refugee, after hearing hundreds others tell me their horrible horrible stories over a cup of tea.

Then I wrote a play and later a book about the experience. Two books actually. The play had an off-Broadway run, a national tour and a performance at The John F. Kennedy Center. The first book, STORY DIARY was published here and the second book, THREE DAYS IN DAMASCUS, a memoir, is in hot pursuit of publication.

The Iraqi is safely resettled in Toronto. The heroine (me) is mostly recovered, but again, forever changed by the experience.

Fast forward. 

The world landscape has certainly changed, but what hasn't changed is the dire situation of refugees worldwide. Syrian refugees have left their country by the millions, and with the threat of ISIS, a new wave of Iraqis are forced to flee yet again. There is an even more urgent need to tell these stories. And No Place Called Home is mine--and theirs. 

It's an autobiographical love story and I bringing it to Chicago, first performance in over a year.
I thought I was done. I thought the play had run its course, but the refugees keep coming and the stories remain the same and I want to keep telling them. I don't want their stories to have been told in vain. I want to keep them alive.

The play is being presented as part of Silk Road Solos at Silk Road Rising February 19-22.  Local internationally acclaimed musician Ronnie Malley will be joining me onstage. Tickets and more information can be found at:
http://www.silkroadrising.org/live-theater/silk-road-solos

And here's a link to a New York Times feature on the show:
http://www.nytimes.com/2010/10/02/nyregion/02bigcity.html?_r=0

And here's a link to the trailer:
http://omarwashisname.blogspot.com/2011/02/no-place-called-home-trailer.html

Let's hope we do right by the millions of displaced people who are counting on us. Help me tell the story.

Willingness to Change

Change is hard. Period.

No one will deny that. 

Also listening can be hard. Period. (That's a lot of periods. Why so many Kim? My shoes feel tight today...) We are so full of our own thoughts and ideas that it's sometimes hard to separate out the static.

Improv geniuses TJ and Dave (TJ Jagodowski and Dave Pasquesi) said (one or both of them at any rate): "Listening is the willingness to change". I think that's rather profound.

Listening is the willingness to change. Hm. So. In order to truly listen, we must be willing to change. To be changed. Dang it. That's hard. We don't necessarily want to be changed. We are often comfortable where we are. I don't know about you, but sometimes to me, change seems unnecessary and like an awful lot of work. Right? Can't I just listen and stay exactly where I am, in my comfortable-I know-things-and don't-want-to-think-place?

But think about the last really great conversation you had. We are changed. We are different after time and conversation with a good friend. And even in the brief interactions of our day, if we truly listen we are changed.

This plays out on stage quite dynamically with good improvisors. Actor A says something. Actor B can ignore, sort of accept it or listen deeply and actually let it be a gift -- a mind-blowing, life-changing gift. If Actor B chooses the latter, the scene moves, flies, entertains. It looks scripted. It's fun. If Actor B ignores or only partially listens/accepts, that actor has to work really hard to create, to think, to salvage the scene. Would have just been easier to listen and be moved. Would actually be easier to just be changed.

In your next opportunity, see how willing you are to change--- i.e. listen. And then see what happens.

From the files of the ridiculous things I've done...

So I was at target with a friend. She had her bag and I had my cart and we were leaving. We started down the escalator and for some reason I put my cart on the escalator, not the cart escalator mind you---

the human escalator.

I was not one of these smart people---

 The cart started to fall. My friend grabbed it and held on until the end but then she thought I'd have it and I should have but I didn't and she let go and the cart was front heavy and then I fell and couldn't get up literally. I mean... the movement of the steps and all. The cart was stuck on the lip of the escalator and I was behind it and couldn't get up. I mean, for real. I was like this...literally

Or this---

Or this---

I thought I might die on a Target escalator, or at least have to live there for a very long time. Like this guy---

So read these signs and pay attention.

They mean it.

~

Oh, and eventually I got up. 

(Like the old saying goes, "Fall seven times, get up eight")