Mexican Manners

So I spend a lot of time in Mexico.

I love it for so many reasons: the people, the culture, the food, but not the least of which are the manners I have consistently noticed and experienced in this country.

For example, when someone walks in a room where people are, (and by people, I mean strangers) the entering person almost always say hello. "Buenos Dias!" to almost all the little groups of people and then they respond! "Buenos Dias stranger!!" (Well, they don't say "stranger", but you know what I mean.) I love this!!! How civilized! You walk into a room or a bus or a restaurant and you greet those already there! Why not? It's pleasant people! Pleasant!

My other favorite Mexican tradition is when you walk by someone eating or about to eat you say, "Provecho!" --the Spanish equivalent of bon appetit. It's so polite! Everyone says it--to strangers! I love it! "Enjoy your food! Provecho! Even though I don't know you! I wish you a pleasant mealtime experience! Provecho!"

I even say it now. When I walk by someone eating, I give them a little knowing smile and like a local say, "Provecho!" They look up to thank me, thrown for a moment perhaps because I am not Mexican, then with a smile full of pride for the polite gringa, they thank me.

De nada. De nada.

Lesson for us all: It takes so little to make someone's day pleasant.

Manners: underrated

I heart MX.

New York. Again. One more time

I am feeling melancholy.

I am back in New York to finish things. (Although I wonder if one ever "finishes things" with New York City.)

I am back in town for ten days to pack/clean/socialize/experience and, well...finish. I have more or less officially moved to Chicago. My things are there. My work is there. My cat is there. So I must live there.

And New York? Well, New York is seemingly my past. But yesterday, today and for the next nine days, it is my present. And in it, I find myself nostalgic and torn, content and discontent, assaulted and embraced, inspired and annoyed. New York. It's everything.

A friend said, "New York never changes" And this has given me pause. It feels like it indeed did change. Or I did. I'm not sure which. New York still offers all it did: a dizzying array of everything. This is what I love about New York. Anything is possible: opening an improv school, creating your own work, traveling to the middle east as a playwright on commission, working as an actual paralegal, falling in love with a refugee, selling Iraqi art, dinner at 4am, summer in the Hamptons, unlimited mimosa brunch, discovering Time Warner cable is your mortal enemy, Times Square blackouts, Broadway auditions, ludicrously asking Ludicrous for water, sitting in the jury of "Law and Order", overshadowing Sarah Jessica Parker, pizza for a buck, cocktails for 22, an A train teen acrobat show for less (It's showtime!!), homeless man poetry readings, cheap mani/pedis, meeting soon to be friends from all over the world...literally. It's all here. It's all still here.

And yet, it feels different.

Maybe I need more space or more quiet or more family or more work or less options or less stimulation or less concrete or less isolation. I don't know yet. I could stay here forever. Easily. But I never wanted to. After ten years...is it time to leap into the next?

Seems I already have. I think I'm done.

They say "New York will always be here if you want to come back." But people really don't, do they? Or I won't. Probably. Sure, New York will always be here, but it's not the same. Once you leave, it's not the same; you're no longer in the club.

As a committed liver and lover of New York, you are part of a club. It's unwritten, but we all know we belong. We have all agreed to put up with the crowds and the crazy and the rats and the garbage and the noise and the urine and the tourists and the tight otherwise-impossible-to-live-in-spaces in exchange for...everything. And when you agree to leave that, you become merely an outsider looking in; no longer a member of the club --- just another observer slash admirer of New York --- from the outside.

But today, I am in the middle.  Not in or out. Still here, almost gone. But still a card carrying member.

I am standing on the precipice between old and new, past and future, New York and non-New York. I made the choice. Or New York did. I'm not sure which.

But it's over New York. Damn.

Don't get me wrong: Like any old, hard-to-get-over love--- I will always long for you, I will always dream of you. I will always...wonder.

But I will no longer live here. With you. Like this.

In other words...it's finished.

...with love and gratitude.

Heads up!

So I was sitting at Starbucks last week working on editing my memoir when I started to text my friend Michael. We texted for probably fifteen minutes off and on about minutia and silliness, nothing important. I was just working and occasionally texting him. He lives nearby the Starbucks, so at one point, bored and searching for distraction, I invited him to join me at the coffee superpower.

He asked me if I just arrived there. I replied I hadn't, that in fact I had been sitting here for over two hours. Turns out, ten minutes prior, while he was texting me, he was at the very same Starbucks himself, ordering a drink right across from the table at which I was sitting. We were texting each other while standing less than ten feet from the other! How did neither of us ever look up? How did we miss the moment to observe surroundings and consequently each other? What a silly miss. We laughed it off, but it made me think. What else am I missing when I don't look up? When else am I buried in something when an opportunity for connection, the one I was actually seeking, is right in front of me?

Food for thought: Look up.

The Little Moments...

How true!

I just finished reading a lovely article about the importance of the small interactions in our days, the little moments which often slip by us unnoticed. Too often, we go through our commutes and coffee purchases and street bumps without so much as a boo. We are busy with our iPhones and iPods and iBuds. (is that a thing?) that we miss it. We miss everything. We miss the little moments, the little interactions, the MOMENTS that make up our days and our lives. We miss the billboard advertising what we need. We miss the child looking at us. We miss the woman who desperately needs a smile. We miss a potential new friend, the opportunity for kindness, the hello, the thank you, the... everything.

How many moments are you missing? How many did you already miss just today?

I like the idea that when you engage in the moment, you get happier.  The little moments, the little relationships are satisfying, way more satisfying than shutting down and isolating, way more satisfying than our iThings and the latest status update. When we connect with other humans, there is a mental health payoff.

Give it a try.

Talk to someone. Notice something. Be more present. Engage in your life.

And be happier.


Let me know your thoughts.

Knee Signs

I need my knees. We all do. Knees are necessary to walk, move, travel -- all things I have been doing a lot of lately! Transplanting to Chicago requires knees. Well, of course, do the math, I somehow damaged my right knee a few days ago, half way into my move, making it very difficult to walk, climb stairs, move boxes...you know...basic moving stuff. Sigh.

Why? Why, oh why knee god would this happen now!??! Why!?

It made me think. Is there a reason I have a knee injury, of all possible injuries? (Especially since I own braces for ankles, elbows and wrists, but nothing for knees. Of course!)

As my mom would say...there are no accidents.

This injury has literally forced me to slow down and accept help. My sister went to get the car so I wouldn't have to walk, I hired movers, I accepted the fact that I couldn't unpack in one day! Maybe its the universe forcing me to slow down, forcing me to accept help, forcing me to just breathe through this transition. Maybe the breathing will help me land, maybe the pace will inspire peace. Sometimes the signs are obvious. And simple. We just need to listen.

Just sit, Kim. Slow down.

Oh, and ice. Don't forget to ice.

3 Days of IMPROV!

Want to apply some of the skills of improv to your life? Here's a way to spend a day! Each of these "days" can be done independently or consecutively. Choose one that inspires you and commit to it for a full day. I recommend writing it down in multiple places, sending yourself periodic reminders with your smart phone throughout the day, putting a post-it on your computer screen -- anything to help you remember this game and change your old habits.

1. spend a day saying yes
Try for one day to say YES to everything offered you. Crazy, huh? Try it. Say yes to lunch, to the phone call, to the request for help, to time with your kids, to everything that is asked or offered. Think it's possible? What could happen? Pay attention when your "no" wants to come out? "No" is always a valid option, an important one sometimes -- but is it your "go to"? Does it always need to be? IS your answer always "There isn't enough time, money, fill-in-the-blank? Is this your pattern? Is their fear or another emotion surrounding it? What might saying "yes" lead to? Make any discoveries? Don't worry tomorrow you can start saying no again. If you want...
 
2. spend a day being brave; go outside your comfort zone
On this day, do things you would not normally do: Drive a different route to work, take a walk to nowhere particular at lunch, do something that scares you a little bit, speak in front of that group, walk up to a stranger and engage in meaningful conversation, wear something different, ask for that raise, tell your spouse the truth, sign up for that class. Today is the day to be brave and take a chance. How does it feel?
 
3. spend a day listening
Today, make it a goal to TRULY listen to what people are saying around you. Be present and LISTEN. Listen not just to the words, but to the actions, to the body language, to the tone, to the mood, to the emotion, to what's not being said, to what's underneath, but yes...also to the words. Don't worry, soon enough it will be your turn to talk again, but when it's your turn to listen: pause, breathe, make eye contact with speaker and hear them fully, and then respond, and not until then. Give them space to speak their truth and be heard. How does it change your day? How does it change your conversations? How does it change YOU?

After trying a "Day" or 3...comment below with your thoughts, discoveries, questions! Happy to discuss! Play!

But remember--- remind yourself all day of your goal---or you will easily forget and revert to how you always do things!! Ok! Go!
 

5 Ways to Bring More Play to Your Day

[written by Kim Schultz, as published on policymic!]


“We are never more fully alive, more completely ourselves, or more deeply engrossed in anything, than when we are at play.” - Charles Schaefer

Alarm. Shower. Breakfast. Kids. Kiss. Commute. Work.  Lunch. Calls. Meetings. Commute. Dinner. Family. Television. Sleep.

Sound familiar? Did you breathe? Did you laugh? Did you have fun? Or was it all work?

There is a Japanese term for working yourself to death: Karoshi. Now I’m not saying that’s what you are doing. (There certainly are people in Japan who are. After all, they coined a term.) But how much of your life is work and how much play? Seriously, right now, give me the ugly statistics. 80/20? 70/30? 98/3? (I know, I know! Math, Kim!)

But seriously, what is your life worth and what do you want out of it? More fun? More play? Yeah, me too. Weird you guys, we’re like the same person.

Play is often looked at as frivolous and unnecessary, but more and more studies are coming out touting the value of play and how play leads to happiness and ultimately more productivity and success in work and life. Shawn Achor, in his bestselling book, The Happiness Advantage, wrote, “Companies and leaders who take measures to cultivate a happy workplace will not only have more productive and efficient workers, they’ll have less absenteeism and lower health care expenditures.”

Well, that sounds good, no? He also is quoted as saying, that “every time employees experience a small burst of happiness, they get primed for creativity and innovation. They see solutions they might otherwise have missed.”

Wow! All that from play! So HOW can you bring more play to your day, you ask? Let’s look for some of those “small bursts of happiness.”

1. Surround yourself with people who play and make you happy.

Nothing like finding/creating your network of like-minded folk. We are only as happy as those around us. Find the laughers and the players.

2. Allow yourself the freedom to fail. You won’t die, I promise.

We are raised to believe failure is bad. What if you could free yourself from that fear? What might be possible for you? Where are you most afraid?

3. Turn off your devices and look, listen and connect more.

What are you missing on the subway, in the restaurant, on your walk with your face glued to your smartphone? Turn off, look up, and take in! Life is happening all around you. Enjoy it.

4. Take a risk; do something outside of your comfort zone.

I know, I know. Your comfort zone is more comfortable. But stretch yourself. What do you want to do? What could you never imagine being brave enough to do? Do it.

5. Laugh more.

This is the easiest of all. Find more in your life to laugh at. Start with a smile. It grows from there.

So next time you are tempted to accept the status quo, do what you have always done, choose the boring (a.k.a. safe) option, hide in your cell phone, hang out with people who make you unhappy and avoid any and all “small bursts of happiness,” remind yourself to play more, take a chance, look silly and laugh. Your family, friends, boss and heart will thank you. I’m off to take a statistics class now.

“It is a happy talent to know how to play.” 
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Karoshi

A mini-story...

The Caribbean waves crashed on the shore near him, but he did not stop raking.  His wife was dead, but he did not stop raking. Nothing was the same, yet he did not stop raking. The oceans waves never stop, nor did his duties around the hacienda, no matter the turmoil spinning on his insides. There were expectations, after all. Every morning, he was expected to rake the sand. This is what he did and who he was.

She would say “You'll work yourself to death, Hacinto.”

She would say, “Your family misses you!”

She would say, “Please Hacinto, you are more important than any money you make.”

But he would ignore all her pleas, knowing full well how important money was in this part of the world – in any part of the world! He could not risk not being seen as a hard worker and possibly losing his job. What would happen to his family then? He could not risk it. He would not risk it.

And so it continued and year after year, his children grew, his wife conceded, and the distance between them all grew, until yesterday, unexpectedly, she died. And today, all alone, raking the same sand he has raked for 25 years, Hasinto finally stopped. He put down his rake, looked at the ocean crashing into the shore, feeling as though the waves were crashing onto his own heart and announced to no one in particular, “I am taking today off.”

“Okay,” the boss later agreed. It was that easy. Everyone trusted Hacinto and wished him nothing but good. He did not lose his job and would not lose his job. He did however lose his wife and would in fact, lose his children one day. But today, just today, none of that mattered. All that mattered was that he would stop working. For once.  For his wife. Rest assured, he would come back to work tomorrow and do exactly what he has done for the last 25 years.  But today, he went swimming all alone in the ocean, peaceful at last, thinking about his wife.

written by Kim Schultz

5 Ways Improv Will Change Your Life

I recently posted an article on IMPROV on POLICYMIC. Check it out! Find out how IMPROV can change YOUR life!

Lesson from a Russian Tennis Player

I recently found myself a new tennis partner.  My new partner is blind in one eye --- a one-eyed Russian. Really. A one-eyed Russian tennis player. Life is strange.

I was practicing tennis against a wall in my neighborhood park. He was too. I noticed him watch me, but living in NYC, I ignored him. After all, he could be a crazy one-eyed, Russian tennis player! After a few moments he walked over to me, studied me and finally said (imagine heavy Ukrainian accent), “Come. We play.” 

Sooo as an improviser, naturally I said yes. Apparently, we were going to play tennis. After walking a few steps and feeling that introductions were in order, I said politely, “My name is Kim”. Nothing. Silence. Awkward. Why won’t he tell me his name? Helloooo? 

After a too-long pause, he says, “If you must know, my name is Val.”  If I must know?  Well, well! “Now. I believe I am better tennis player than you,” he says, “But…I will adjust.”  Well, then. Talk about speaking your truth….So, I let that one pass and we played tennis -- me and my name-hiding, Wimbledon-claiming, mono-eyed Russian.

When was the last time you laid it on the line like that? Or rather, how often have you found yourself trying to hide your truth or hide “who you are” in a given moment? Maybe you don’t want your employees to know that you don’t actually know everything. Maybe you hide your true self from a group you’re speaking to at a conference because you’re afraid they won’t like who you really are or what you really have to offer. Maybe you’re hiding in an unhappy relationship, afraid to speak your truth—afraid of what that might do. But to not bring who you are to each moment of your day is to cheat others of what you have to offer, and to cheat yourself.

Maybe by our cultural standards what Val said to me on the court that day was rude, but for him it was merely his “truth” — who he was. He was better than me and would adjust. End of story.

I teach improv. Improv training teaches us to declare our truth and be more of who we are. Is that sometimes scary? Yes. Off-putting? Sometimes. Rewarding? Always.

Improv teaches all of us how to live better, more impulsive, more honest lives. Improv teaches us to be in the moment (that’s the only way to make all that crazy stuff up). Improv teaches us to listen to each other and take what is said as a gift (that’s the only way it becomes funny). Improv teaches us to say YES (that’s the only way anything gets done or moves forward---someone says YES!) And improv teaches us to play (all good things—inventions, careers, relationships – all start with fun). And improv teaches us to say yes to crazy one-eyed Russian men who come up and ask us to be their tennis partner. (He is better by the way and kicks my butt every time we play)

Where are you withholding? Where are you not being your true self? What are you not saying? Be a one-eyed Russian tennis star! (Or... just be who you are. Maybe that's easier...)