finding a more authentic, playful life --- finding your story

Thursday, November 14, 2013

The Fake Paralegal

Years ago, shortly after moving to New York, I needed a job. God Bless. So I found myself working as a paralegal. Yes. A paralegal. A girl with no legal experience or interest really, found herself, due to the kindness of friends lies, claiming to be a paralegal. And working as one! I won't go into all the secret bathroom phone calls I made asking my friends (who got me the illicit gigs) how to do something that my resume said I knew how to do or the amount of times I fake-delayed work organizing pens or staplers, in order to spy on my coworkers so I could learn how to do exactly what it was we were supposed to be doing. No, that is not the point of this blogpost. Sorry. Another time.

The point of this blogpost is that after the initial glory and excitement of my fake career subsided and I began to really be a paralegal, skills and all, I found myself woefully unhappy.

I mean yes, this was not my dream job and I wanted to be acting or writing or artist-ing in some way that was true to whom I am, but it wasn't just that. It was something else. I was withholding.

I never told anyone I was an actor. I wasn't filled with the joy I usually am. I kept to myself. I was simply "Kim: the quiet paralegal"-- and unhappy at that.

I don't know why I was withholding. I guess I just didn't feel like sharing my whole self at this job that was not me. Does this sound like you? Is this feeling familiar? Are you in a job or career or situation that does not feel entirely like "you"? And because of that, are you withholding some or all of yourself?

One day I decided life was too short. I needed to be who I was. I started to share, to divulge, to be myself -- my actual self. And guess what? I got happy! By sharing who I was with people and being generous with my spirit, I found more contentment than I ever had. I made friends. I got a raise. I was happy. Was it my dream job? No. Do I want to do it again? Not really. But I know that no matter what the work, when I bring ALL of me to the job, for better or for worse, I am better off.

And so are you.

No reason to withhold. Share who you are! There is much to be lost if you don't.

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