my mexican residency

So here I am...Akumal, once again. This time to direct an international artist residency. (www.akumalresidency.com) Fun!

The artists are all here and lovely---5 women this first round--lovely chicas!

It's such a joy to be around the creative spirit, let alone 5 creative spirits. Intelligence, creativity, passion, drive---these are all things I enjoy surrounding myself with. They make me more of all of them myself! I am very lucky.

Today I swam in the ocean, saw a friendly turtle a few feet away who I'm sure greeted me with a nod, ran errands up and down the beach to make the artists lives here easier as well as create awareness in the community and lay in a hammock as it began to rain. But also I already have some sort of stomach thing going on. So...nothing is perfect. :)

Next up is the first Sunday Salon, where we invite the community in to partake of wine and a lively themed discussion, accompanied by works-in-progress by the artists. Should be an interesting night. If you live nearby, come say hello. If not...stay tuned for more updates!

Endings

I just heard some news recently. Something has now ended. Officially.

I mean, it's been over for a long time, but it's the real deal now. Yup. No going back. Finito. Sayanara. The end. Ends are hard. I'm not good with ends. I like middles and beginnings. I'm a middle and beginning type of girl. Endings? ...not so much.

I found this quote recently and like it:

“And there are never really endings, happy or otherwise. Things keep going on, they overlap and blur, your story is part of your sister's story is part of many other stories, and there is no telling where any of them may lead.”      ― Erin Morgenstern, The Night Circus

A good improv scene starts in the middle. A good book does the same. Something is already happening. The stakes are high. We are merely thrown into that world---simply or suddenly. And then there's the beginning. Never underestimate a good beginning! It sets the stage. It opens the door. It lures you in.

But endings? Don't like 'em. It's probably why I sort of live in 4 places right now. I don't like things to end. I like doors and possibilities to stay open (sometimes to my detriment.) But things do end, closing the door and any possibility of a new start. And ironically, the only thing left to do is start again. Fresh. Braver, stronger, smarter and older.

Where are you hanging on to things that are long over? Is it time to start a new scene?

Just say it

So here's a little something something.

Lately, I've been hanging on to thoughts that aren't necessarily the truth. I've been lingering in drama and difficulty. I haven't been declaring and living into what could be and maybe what already is. Aaaand it's been weighing me down.

So today, I was walking down the street from missing my yoga class for being two minutes late (2 minutes!! ---come on studio!) and so instead having just had a lovely, heart opening phone conversation with my dear friend Patrick, when I had an epiphany: DECLARE IT, and it will be! Say what you want to be.

In improv scenes, you declare your truth and the scene follows. You will live into what you say out loud. I know this. I teach this. I think I just forgot it or didn't recognize it missing in my own life. (Darned improv philosophy always sneaking up on me!) So I said it: out loud, right there on Carmen Avenue with the cold lakefront wind blowing straight onto my face. I declared a truth, the truth I wanted, the truth that very easily could be the actual truth. (Who's to say it's not!?) And then I smiled. I felt better. Those things are now true. I said them and now I will live them. It's that easy. I feel lighter.

Say what you need to say today. Declare your truth. Then your life and the universe will support it. For realz.

pushing pause.

The weather has been crazy in the Midwest. Super cold and then mild and then super cold again. Difficult to figure out how to dress every day! Difficult to weather the change.

My 95 year old grandpa just died. We were very close. We talked 2 or 3 times a week. I visited him from across country 4 or 5 times a year. We were very close. I miss him. It is a difficult change to weather.

Life, of course, like the weather, always changes. Nothing stays the same. Ever. No matter how hard we cling to the current, it is beyond our grasp, and becomes the past. It flies away in the winter wind.

Improv teaches us to let go of the past, to live in this moment, to say yes to what is given us here and now—bitter winds or bitter loss, staggering failure or triumphant success. But sometimes I want to linger a bit, slow down time, live in the past, remember what was. This is one of those moments. I am not ready for this change quite yet. I will be soon, but not quite yet. So I sit. And as the wind howls outside, I wait for the sun to shine once again, for the weather to change, to weather this change.

A Christmas Story

So the other day, after performing two shows and feeling a bit tired, I left the theatre without my pants on. Not intentionally, mind you. I just forgot to put on my pants. In the interest of full disclosure, I was wearing silky long johns, but no pants. No pants.

There is no lesson in this tale, no moral to learn. This has nothing to do with living your life fully in the spirit of improvisation, or even living authentically.

It's just a story of me walking out with no pants. Yup.

Merry Christmas.

And...your welcome. See you next year.

Bah, Humbug!

Its been a tough week of tech rehearsals. Difficult to be holed up in a dark theatre for 12 hours a day, 3 days in a row. I don't do well when holed up in a dark theatre for 12 hours a day, 3 days in a row. Heavy sigh. ( I can do that now that my corset is off! Hallelujah!)

The play is A Christmas Carol. It's a Christmas play---maybe you've heard of it. This ol' dodger named Scrooge gets transformed. It's kind of a sweet story. But these long days, I tell you. It makes a Scrooge out of all of us. Bah Humbug!

But what is my point? I don't know, really -- It's been a long week, as I may have mentioned.

Wait, I remember. Maybe my point is this: just how far kindness goes. A little kindness helps us all out of our tough spots, right? Whatever they may be. Kindness is underrated. It can make or break a day.

Improv teaches it as "making your scene partner look good." When we make each other look good, we look good. And feel good! Crazy! So what does "make your scene partner look good" look life in real life?

maybe it's simply...

• holding the door for someone
• saying thank you
• offering to help
• smiling

and then maybe it goes deeper...

• listening to what someone is truly saying to you
• being present in the moment with your "scene" partner
• allowing ego to dissapate for the sake of something else
• being more patient than maybe you want to be

...in other words...kindness.

Plato is attributed with the quote: "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." I love that one and try to remember it when I don't feel like being particularly kind. We all have our own hard battles--each and every day.

Kindness. Make each other look good. It goes a long way.

I'm gonna try it today...in my black hole.

The Fake Paralegal

Years ago, shortly after moving to New York, I needed a job. God Bless. So I found myself working as a paralegal. Yes. A paralegal. A girl with no legal experience or interest really, found herself, due to the kindness of friends lies, claiming to be a paralegal. And working as one! I won't go into all the secret bathroom phone calls I made asking my friends (who got me the illicit gigs) how to do something that my resume said I knew how to do or the amount of times I fake-delayed work organizing pens or staplers, in order to spy on my coworkers so I could learn how to do exactly what it was we were supposed to be doing. No, that is not the point of this blogpost. Sorry. Another time.

The point of this blogpost is that after the initial glory and excitement of my fake career subsided and I began to really be a paralegal, skills and all, I found myself woefully unhappy.

I mean yes, this was not my dream job and I wanted to be acting or writing or artist-ing in some way that was true to whom I am, but it wasn't just that. It was something else. I was withholding.

I never told anyone I was an actor. I wasn't filled with the joy I usually am. I kept to myself. I was simply "Kim: the quiet paralegal"-- and unhappy at that.

I don't know why I was withholding. I guess I just didn't feel like sharing my whole self at this job that was not me. Does this sound like you? Is this feeling familiar? Are you in a job or career or situation that does not feel entirely like "you"? And because of that, are you withholding some or all of yourself?

One day I decided life was too short. I needed to be who I was. I started to share, to divulge, to be myself -- my actual self. And guess what? I got happy! By sharing who I was with people and being generous with my spirit, I found more contentment than I ever had. I made friends. I got a raise. I was happy. Was it my dream job? No. Do I want to do it again? Not really. But I know that no matter what the work, when I bring ALL of me to the job, for better or for worse, I am better off.

And so are you.

No reason to withhold. Share who you are! There is much to be lost if you don't.